This piece is aimed, specifically at the pregnant population of our woman readers, and of course, their loved ones.
Remember when you were starting to show? Did you notice that nearly everyone around you started smiling and trying to help you in whatever way they could?
That was cool. It really was. Humanity at its best. Positive accommodations are affirming and validating.
It’s a fairly common response. You get to skip lines; you get a free papaya; you get to park in the director’s spot; a guy gives up his seat on the train. You get treated..well….well! Like a superstar! There’s no other way to describe it.
Some people will try to give you some space or just feel awkward and don’t say a word or even offer a smile. They’d probably want to help you out, too, but their own social anxiety or ideas about giving people space kept them from asking.
Also, interacting with someone who is pregnant may make some people nervous because it’s new to them; they may have never experienced their own mother pregnant with a younger sibling, even.
The few others that would be left would be people who just didn’t notice. They probably live each day as a blur, and notice very little. Notice your baby bump?
They’d probably miss way more stark details in their environment. Then again, it’s not polite to stare, so really, who knows.
Anyone else who doesn’t want to help is probably a sociopath and you wouldn’t have wanted them near you “helping,” anyway.
Postpartum, It’s Like Pregnancy, Times A Million!
Once the baby is born, know that you are going to be offered even more help. The postpartum phase is like pregnancy in this regard, but times a million!
Depending on you cultural origins and family traditions, you may end up with both you mother and your mother-in-law staying over, along with you sister and female cousin for short stints. Everyone will help.
That will also be cool. You may feel strange at first, but you’ll get used to it. Everyone wants you and the baby to grow strong and so everyone does their part.
Don’t let the attention lead to you feeling smothered. You’re an adult, and so you can retire to your room to just get away from the hustle and bustle of the family being over.
Traditional Foods For Pregnancy Are Amazing!
With regard to traditional foods being pushed on you, I’m all for it. lol
You can always say no, but remember that these traditions endured for a reason.
Modern phytochemical research shows that many of the plant remedies used over the millennia do, in fact, contain compounds which confer them with properties that back up the assertions of traditional cultures about their use.
So, if your Grandma, Mom, and mother-in-law all, four aunties, and your two sisters and one girl cousin are all over, with the guys all in the den watching sports, it’s going to be a madhouse.
But don’t worry. Your job is to rest, recover, and feed the baby. That’s IT!
Just chill and enjoy a break from the usual routine. Enjoy your time with your baby, and enjoy your family’s presence and the traditions they bring.
If you start feeling guilty because you’re having postnatal massage at home every other day, while your poor husband is starting to show bags under his eyes from staying up with you when you have to stay up and breastfeed, and he has work the next day because he didn’t get approved for extended paternity leave…
Then please know this, ahead of time: There’s nothing to feel guilty about. Of course, there’s no reason why you can’t be sure that the delivery service brings your husband his favorite snack chips, about a crate’s worth. That should help.
If you’re feeling patronized, just know that your family is trying their best to be respectful and supportive.
In the workplace, it’s just not the same; being patronized or excluded from future projects or judged on the basis of your motherhood status is not only wrong, but possibly also against the law in your municipality.
Check out the study entitled, “The Impact of Social Support and Pregnancy on Subjective Well-Being: A Systematic Review. ” You’ll find that having a strong social support system seems to make a great deal of difference, when it comes to postpartum depression.
So relish the special foods! Take delight in the atmosphere of support and loving-kindness!
Battulga B, Benjamin MR, Chen H, Bat-Enkh E. The Impact of Social Support and Pregnancy on Subjective Well-Being: A Systematic Review. Front Psychol. 2021 Sep 9;12:710858. doi: 10.3389/fpsyg.2021.710858. PMID: 34566789; PMCID: PMC8459714.
2 comments to “Postnatal Realities: Notes For a Pregnant Woman to Consider”
Lara Wilson - January 23, 2025
Interesting take on things, Alva.
I know you’re well aware of the crazy social dynamics that exist in many families.
Having the family over from all over New Jersey, India, and everywhere in between can be a bit much.
What if your MIL is a…umm….not a nice lady? And has it in for you?
Can you write another article on dealing with those sorts of issues?
I get what you’re saying, look on the bright side, but there is a darker side.
…
Just curious, though: What’s the image you chose for this article? I saw it and laughed til I peed. It’s just so…weird.
Again, many thanks for your contribution.
Elizabeth Pringle - January 28, 2025
“Just curious, though: What’s the image you chose for this article? I saw it and laughed til I peed. It’s just so…weird.”
This is original photo art. We chose it because one of us made it and we all liked it.